May 30, 2013

Here's To Endings & New Beginnings

 I was sitting in front of my laptop, surfing the internet and listening to my favorite song, before my mind filled with everything that happened in these past three years.

I still remember everything, clearly, in 2010, when I started to entering high school. I still remember my anger and hatred toward my parents when they force me to enter this school. I was being forced at that time. I still can remember how depressed I was in this school because my scores was drop drastically and studying all night long still didn't help and how hard it was to fit in. I used to cry every single day after school because I feel so mad, angry, sad and stupid mostly, because I keep getting bad score after I've done everything.

And then my mind jump off to 2012, when I'm entering to social class and that was the first time I feel exceedingly excited going to school. My scores are getting better and better than I used to. And I still remember clearly how shocked I was because I get a bad scores at Math and that's the beginning of my "eternal hatred towards mathematics". I keep struggling and struggling to get better scores at Math. But still, I can't understand it. Isn't it pathetic when your friends only needs a second to catch it, but you need a MILLION TIMES just to do the same thing. And I still remember, how sad I was because I clearly see it that Math isn't my thing, my passion is anything related to music, design, art and words, but I STILL HAVE to do it to graduate from this school.

And it felt like yesterday, I still remember how nervous I was when I'm facing national exam, in Mathematic especially. And how happy and grateful I am because I finally graduate from this school.
But then I feel burdened with a fact that I still have to struggling again to go to state university, I still have to facing Math and still have to wait again till the announcement of SNMPTN. I still remember how suffocated I was because I can't stop coughing, because I'm too nervous, when the announcement of SNMPTN is in an hour. Even when I'm already allowed to saw the result, I still didn't have any courage to type my name and my D.O.B and click enter.

I keep staring my laptop, my heart keep telling me "do it do it" but my mind said "no don't listen to that bitch, you're not ready to see it yet". I feel like my head and my chest is going to blow up in that afternoon. I can't resist anymore. So, I asked my brother to go upstairs to accompany me to see the result, in case if something bad happened, I've got his hands to catch me if I passed out. I typed my name, my D.O.B, and then click the enter. I closed my eyes. I still didn't have any courage to see it. But the I opened it , and I saw a green font that said


I immediately screamed and cried hysterically, still can't believe what I saw. I hugged my brother and still can't stop sobbing even though he told me I look so ugly when crying. I finally made it. I finally got accepted to state university. I finally got it from a way that I never thought I could passed it. I finally made it. This is really a sweet ending from my bittersweet journey throughout highschool. God really answer my prayers. Even saying "I'm so thankful" still didn't enough to describe how happy and grateful I am for what I achieve. Yay!

Thus, in my experience, high school sucks, but I finally survived. I finally made it. Well, a chapter ending but the stories only just begun. Now what?

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