September 20, 2016

Ini Cerita Tentang Rindu

Ini hanya sepotong cerita tentang rindu. Tentang kita yang gemar berbagi cerita, menyingkap rahasia, kemudian kembali memeluk gelisah usai bicara tanpa arah. Benar katamu, kita terlalu asyik menunda berpapasan dengan realita. Mengabaikan ragu di dada, yang tak tersampaikan lewat bicara. Kita lupa, bahwa luka perlu diobati, bukan ditutupi dengan sebuah temu agar lupa. 
“Kita gak selamanya muda, Cit. Udah harus nentuin kapan harus milih. Kalau sudah bisa memilih, jangan ragu lagi. Hal seperti agama, keyakinan dan Tuhan jauh harus lebih dibela meskipun korbannya perasaan sendiri.” katamu waktu itu.
Yang kamu bilang, benar. Yang kita jalani, salah. Aku tak banyak berkata waktu itu. Tetapi aku rasa, kamu pun mengerti. Tak banyak berkata bukan berarti tak bisa merasa. 
“Saingan jangan sama Tuhan, Peng. Pasti kalah.” ujar seorang teman. 
Dan saat ini, aku merasa rindu. Aku rindu kamu. 
Tetapi temanku bilang, jika rindu datang, masukan saja ia ke dalam kotak kaca, nanti juga bisu dan beku dengan sendirinya. Jangan pernah bertanya berapa kali aku mencobanya. Setiap malam warasku selalu tersungkur dihadapan rindu usai diobrak-abrik olehnya yang kian jemawa. Mencari letak sudah, belum pernah semelelahkan ini.
Tolong tanya Tuhanmu, jika tidak bisa memiliki, bolehkah aku yang bukan hamba-Nya menyayangi umat-Nya yang satu ini?” tulismu.
 Sudah tiga bulan lewat, pertanyaan ini masih haruskah kutanyakan kepada-Nya?

Aku menulis agar kamu tahu bahwa aku merindukanmu, karena aku sudah tak pandai lagi berucap dan bahasa sudah terlalu lelah untuk mengungkap. Namun, percayalah, tulisan ini bukanlah bentuk pinta untuk memilikimu sekali lagi. Kuulangi lagi, ini hanya rindu. Karena kembali kesana adalah jauh dan tak bisa diejawantahkan oleh rasa. Kembali kesana berarti membuka tabir memoar lama. Dan kamu pun enggan, begitu pula aku. 

Dini tadi gerimis turun. Ia bersuara pelan kemudian menyusup dalam sisa malamku yang terjaga. Menyisihkan sepertiga pagi, menulis tentangmu hingga muncul matahari, sepertinya telah menjadi kesenangan baru bagiku yang entah sampai kapan akan kulakukan. Sebuah entah yang selalu kusemogakan agar lekas datang. 

Bunda Maria-mu benar, kita takkan pernah bisa sampai pada akhiran.

Dan yang tak banyak berkata, justru menyimpan lara lebih lama. 
(lekas padamlah resah, masa lalu tak selalu salah)

May 31, 2016

Indonesian Women : a higher education vs. marriage

How does it feel to be a woman who wants to pursue a higher education in Indonesia? 
Can be quite challenging for some. 
There will be quite many text messages or comments in social media asking “When will you get married?” or “why you never post or upload something about a guy?” 
(like seriously you ask about these stuff?!!) 
The pressure just come from all the directions, thus if you don’t explode, you are a really high quality woman.

When I decided to continue master (and Abroad) some ‘friends’ told me “Guys will be scared of you.” that’s the first stereotype. 
The second is, “If you will end up at the kitchen, why should you spend so much time to study?”

First point, I love to cook. But I will not spend my life just for cooking. I have this thing called ‘passion’ to learn. I can’t be categorized as smart, no! I am just very determined and passionate in getting what I want. I love to study here. The more I study, the more I realize that I still know very less.

The more I study, the more attractive knowledge is, even though the consequences are getting really tired and lack of sleep. I will finish my master soon. I will be 24 y.o. when I finish master. I’ve been changing a lot for these 2 years. If at the past because everybody gets married then I want it too, now, I am more concern about repairing the quality of myself. So when somebody blames my ‘higher education’ as the reason why I am not married until now, it is totally wrong. 

Marriage is a big deal, you have to be able to wake up really early, preparing food, dealing with the baby, loosing me time, and the most important are ‘compromises’. Spending the time for dating or being close to somebody special is nice, but spending ‘your whole time’ with that somebody, I think it would need patience in compromising things. Those things I am practicing right now to be able to handle those stuff before I get married.

At the moment, I am really enjoying to live independently, earn money (from the scholarship :p), having my own place and learn to manage it, buy things those I want, I think it is once in a lifetime. It is nice to learn about how to be an independent woman, because being independent is necessary no matter If you are married or not. I like this quote from a woman. “I don’t have to wait until prince charming comes with his white horse because I already have my own horse.” –A general manager in a multinational company.

Second point, I’ve witnessed so many broken marriages in my 24 years of life. And my mom was also ‘a single parent’ for 15 years. But she was so strong besides she was also well educated. She knew how to earn money, raised two kids, fixed the electricity, repaired the broken ceiling, she cooked very nice, and she is very pretty in spite of her lacks as a single mom. She always taught me, “don’t complain too much, and if you can handle things by yourself then do it, instead of asking for help.”

Whereas I saw so many women were left by their husband and they were totally broken. They did not know how to earn money, they did not know how to deal with difficult situations, thus, it might affect their children mentally and physically. Besides that, to answer the question “guys will be scared of you”, I am questioning why we should marry somebody that does not have that confident and eagerness to develop himself? 

We shouldn’t pretend to be dumb just to make a man feel confident. There is a nice advice from a motivator, "Use your logic before you fall in love. Attraction can be an accident, but falling in love is a decision. Be logic before you fall in love, because once you do, it will be too difficult to be logic.”
I think a smart and a nice woman will ‘motivate’ her partner to be a better man. Besides a great man, there always be a great woman. Look at real examples, Aisyah, the wife of Rasul Muhammad SAW, she was the smartest woman in her era. The outstanding scientist yet romantic couple Pierre Curie and Marie Curie, Johan Sebastian Bach and Anna Magdalena, Bill and Melinda gates, the ex- President of Indonesia and aviation scientist -Bacharudin Jusuf Habibie and dr. Hasri Ainun and so many other examples out of there. 

The third point is, it is the right of the person to keep her/his personal life private. Don’t complain about other people’s life unless it is related to you. You can be a caring person and give an advice, but let’s draw a line in between caring and too much curious about other’s life. The last point, the quality of a person is not determined by if he/she is single/taken. The quality of a person is determined by how much this person can bring a great impact for his/her surroundings.

Disclaimer: This post is'nt mine. 
Taken from Zahrina's posts from her Line account

May 26, 2016

An Open Letter: What It's Like To Be An Extrovert With Depression At The Same Time

from:    Citra Diah Utami <>
to:    Charlie Kelmeckis <>
date:    25 April 2016 22.15
subject:    What It's Like To Be An Extrovert With Depression At The Same Time

Dear Charlie, 

I am writing to you because he said you'll listen and understand. I'm sorry it took so long for me to writing this letter (or a confession) to you. I must admit that I was really embarassed to talk about this subject. Charlie, my first experience with depression occurred in the beginning of my high school. High school, basically in my opinion was a horrible wasteland of low self-esteem. I was absolutely sure life my was a bleak, never ending cycles of waking up and going to sleep and hating every second in between. 

Looking back to that time in my life, it’s blindingly clear to me how depressed I was. I did not want to go to school, I did not want to see my friends, I did not want to get out of bed (Although in the end I kept doing those activities for the sake of my parents). I hated myself for being so sad and I was so embarrassed and confused and I never told anyone about it. My family claimed I had a natural talent to be dramatics and it's just my overreaction towards my adolescence stage. Yes Charlie, they obviously had no idea what they were talking about. And sadly, my depression did not give any manual book or instruction how to cope with it. It did not said “ eat that pills combine with five times pray and you will be cured.” Simply put, it makes you feel utterly alone

But that's not the worst part, Charlie. The worst part is how difficult it is to be a very happy, cheerful person with depression at the same time. It's a strange combination, right? Because, when there is an issue of someone struggling with depression, most people assume they’re miserable. Like, they stereotyping someone who struggling with depression should have super swollen eyes from crying every single time. They can’t laugh, they can’t smile, they can’t enjoy themselves, they don’t feel happiness. They have no idea Charlie, that depression is not picky. It latches onto anyone. Rich or poor, young or old, introverted or extroverted.

And I did hide it so well, Charlie. From everyone (except my family of course). And for someone extrovert like me, who surrounds themselves with a bunch of people,  it’s easier to hide depression than to deal with it. Now you ask me Chalie what it's like to be a cheerful happy go lucky kind of person that always carry her depression and constantly maintaining a bright personality even in the midst of real issues? It feels like hell. It feels like the demon is playing with your mind and then suffocating it. It feels like you are the biggest liar in the world. It makes your depression is something that only you can deal with, when you can finally take off “the mask” after a long day. The mask is the cover for me to stop people from being skeptical of the inner turmoil that I suppress.

Suffering a depression as an extrovert often comes down to not being taken seriously. It’s like society, even your family not validating your disease. It’s like people not believing your struggle. It’s like being told “What do you mean you are coping with depression? You always seem so happy.” Yes, Charlie, I don’t mope, I still smile and appear to be genuinely happy almost all the time – and that means I can’t have depression in their eyes. It’s like hearing how you must be exaggerating your condition because there is no way you can be laughing with friends on the same night you go home and cry yourself to sleep. But I dont blame them, Charlie. They don’t see any dark thoughts. How could the idea of suicide or simply slitting wrist ever enter someone’s head who is always so cheerful? Well, I’m here to tell you Charlie, that just because you don’t see that darkness and gloominess on the outside, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist somewhere deep on the inside. 

Being an extrovert with depression is like knowing that people will make you happy because sometimes being happy by yourself seems like an impossible task. Being an extrovert with depression is like having a constant need to be there for everyone but yourself. Being an extrovert with depression is like continuously wanting to solve everyone’s problems. Being an extrovert with depression is – as crazy as this sounds – feeling as if you aren’t allowed to be depressed because you have to be the one to have it all together. You have to be the person people gravitate towards to when they want to have a good time. Being an extrovert with depression is not allowed to have someone ask you how you are doing because you always have to make them sure that you have no legitimate problems. There is always, a really fucked up, dark side of me that I don’t like people to see.

Thus Charlie, being an extrovert with depression is a very odd combination to live with, that’s for sure. Depression, in my opinion is a war within you and your mind. And I refuse to let my depression control me. I refuse to let it put me in a permanent sorrow state. I refuse to let it affect the people around me. I’m someone who is cheerful, passionate and loves to laugh and smile and have a good time and I’m not going to ever let depression take that away from me. Charlie, I am not ashamed to tell you now, that I'm an extrovert who used to cope with depression, already spent a lot of time feeling isolated, out of control, and weak. And if there is one precious thing I’ve learned throughout my experiences, it’s that the feelings of hopeless, anger, and pain, will one day be gone and replaced with feelings of joy, accomplishment, success, and happiness as long as you hold on. It's cliche, but it's true. 

Charlie, I should probably go to sleep now. It's very late. I don't know why I wrote a lot of this down for you to read. I hope you don't mind. Till next time, then! 

Love always, 

*Charlie Kelmeckis is the main fictional protagonist character in "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower" novel by Stephen Chbosky

April 17, 2016

2 AM & All The Things That Bring Me Back To You

I only want you when it’s 2 AM, never when it’s 2 PM. 
I only want you when I have to walk home alone at night and I’m scared of the way the world has become. 
I only want you when my family are gone for the night and I hear a creepy noise in my house, and for some reason would feel safer with you around.
I only want you when I’m tossing and turning, wide awake in bed looking for someone to talk to because no matter how many times I put down my phone and put my pillow over my head I still can’t sleep. 
I only want you when it’s cold in my room and I want a warm body next to me, to wrap my legs around and share body heat. 
I only want you when it’s convenient for me, and it’s only convenient at 2 AM. 

The way I want you is to stay hidden behind the closure of my bedroom door. 
I don’t want the world to know about you, about us. 
As much as I want you, I’ll never want you in the morning.

There is an uneasiness about 2 AM that makes you think things you wouldn’t think at 2 PM. 
There is a comfort that 2 PM brings in the day, being busy, being around friends and family, and having the sun shining on your skin. 
But the 2 AM darkness brings different feelings, darker ones. 
It traps you with your thoughts, makes you feel useless, maybe worthless. 
It makes you feel alone more than anything and no one likes feeling alone. 
I hate feeling alone. 
This is why, I only want you when it’s 2 AM, never when it’s 2 PM. 

☽ ☾☽ ☾ 

Here are collection of songs to keep you company during this time when you can feel the most alone
1. Japanesse Wallpaper - Breathe In
2. Beck - Ramshackle
3. Slow Dancing Society - A Song That Will Help You Remember To Forget
4. The National - About Today
5. Seas Of Years - Lighthouse
6. Bon Iver - Holecene
7. Clem Leek - You're So Very Far Away
8. Daughter - Medicine
9. Azure Ray - The Drink We Drank Last Night
10. Hammock - I Will Become The Ground You Walk On
11. Aquilo - You There
12. Benjamin Francis Leftwich - See You Soon
or listen via Spotify here

March 21, 2016

Bolehkah Kumiliki Sepotong Hujan Yang Tertinggal Di Matamu?

          Sudah kali keempat Banyu mengirim pesan yang sama ke ponselku dalam waktu yang berdekatan. Kemarin, ia berusaha menelepoku, sebanyak enam kali. Aku memang sengaja memgabaikannya. Tetapi, setelah kutimbang-timbang, tidak ada salahnya kali ini kupenuhi permintaannya untuk bertemu denganku. Mungkin ada sesuatu yang sangat penting untuk segera ia sampaikan kepadaku. Meskipun jika akhirnya itu tidak penting, setidaknya aku bisa menunjukan kepada Banyu bahwa aku baik-baik saja, setelah kita berpisah. Sambil membereskan kertas-kertas pekerjaan di atas meja, aku menebak-nebak, apa sesungguhnya yang hendak dia sampaikan. 
          Hampir lima tahun aku dan Banyu telah berpisah dan aku tidak mendengar kabar apapun lagi tentangnya. Lebih tepatnya, aku tidak ingin mendengar kabar apapun lagi tentangnya. Terakhir kali aku melihatnya, kami sedang menghadapi pengadilan, melewati berbagai macam metode mediasi, dan tampang-tampang sedih kolega dan keluarga yang mendadak menjadi kompak. Mereka tak henti menasihati soal masalah kami, membujuk, melakukan apa pun agar kami memikirkan kembali perceraian ini. 
          Sampai putusan cerai sudah final mereka tetap bergunjing, menyalahkan aku yang tak pandai menjaga suami atau Banyu yang tidak lagi setia, menyayangkan pernikahan kami yang kandas. Aku dan Banyu sedang berantakan. Kami sudah berbeda. Kami tidak saling cocok lagi, menjadi alasan basi yang kulontarkan secara otomatis kepada  tiap pertanyaan yang mendatangiku selepas kami bercerai. Entah untuk yang benar peduli, atau untuk yang cuma ingin tahu.  Tidak ada penjelasan. Mungkin memang salah satu dari sekian sedikit kesamaanku dan Banyu adalah kami sama-sama benci menjelaskan.
          Setelah semuanya sudah rapi, aku lantas berdiri menghadap ke belakang meja kerjaku. Kedua mataku menembus kaca jendela berwarna bening. Dari lantai 30 gedung ini, kulihat hujan masih mengiringi mobil-mobil yang bergerak lambat di semua jalan. Orang-orang menyemut di halte untuk berteduh. Dasar Jakarta! Kota yang entah kapan terbebas dari kemacetan panjang. Kota yang tak berhenti berdetak dengan segala macam persoalannya.
          Melewati derasnya hujan, aku mengangkat ponselku, menelepon balik Banyu. Bunyi panggilan terdengar di telingaku. Dadaku berdebar-debar menunggu telepon diangkat di seberang sana.
“Sekar, kamu apa kabar?,” suara berat, khas lelaki itu masih terdengar sama.
“Baik,” balasku singkat. Tiba-tiba aku merasa gugup.
“Bisakah ketemu sekarang?”
“Apa yang membuatmu ingin ketemu?” tanyaku dengan ketus.
“Nanti akan kuceritakan semuanya” ujarnya.
“Nanti dan sekarang tidak ada bedanya” potongku.
“Sekar aku mohon lunakan dirimu sejenak. Beri aku kesempatan untuk menyampaikannya secara langsung” pinta Banyu, suaranya terdengar begitu lirih. 
       Sampailah aku di sebuah kedai kopi dekat kantor. Seorang pelayan menyambutku ramah dan segera menuntunku menuju meja di pojok kiri kedai tersebut. Aku pun memesan secangkir teh untuk mengobati dinginnya terpaan hujan malam. Kenapa Banyu memaksaku untuk bertemu malam ini yang dingin seperti ini? Aku benci hujan. Bukankah ia sudah tau aku benci hujan. Mungkin ingatannya tentang apa yang kusukai dan tidak kusukai sudah mengabur seiring dengan berakhirnya pernikahan kami.  
         Tak berapa lama kemudian Banyu pun sampai. Ia berjalan mendekati meja dan duduk di kursinya. Kami saling berhadapan. Meja marmer persegi ini memisahkan kami. Kupandangi tubuhnya lekat, seperti sedang menelanjanginya bulat-bulat. Kemeja kotak-kotak lengan panjang yang ia pakai terlihat agak lusuh. Rambut dan kumisnya pun panjang tak terurus. Tetapi sisanya masih sama seperti dulu. Tangan kekarnya yang sering melingkar lembut di pinggangku dan juga dada bidangnya tempat kepalaku berlabuh.
“Kamu ingin mengantar undangan perkawinanmu dengan perempuan itu?” sentakku tanpa basa-basi.
          Nama perempuan itu kembali muncul dari memori kepalaku. Memuntahkan apa yang kutahu tentang perempuan itu. Dulu, aku dan Kinanthi adalah sahabat karib. Dia sosok perempuan cerdas dan mengagumkan. Perempuan yang tak bisa berdiam diri, penuh ceria, dan sering membuat kelucuan. Kinanthi juga cantik, kulitnya lebih putih dari kulitku, rambutnya panjang sebahu, dan hidungnya mancung seperti bule. Pertemanan kami waktu itu seolah tak terpisahkan. Bahkan setelah aku menikah, kami masih sering berjumpa.
        Namun, di sinilah persoalan itu hadir. Aku terlambat menyadari ketika semuanya terjadi begitu saja. Ternyata Kinanthi dan Banyu bermain api di belakangku. Aku tidak tahu sejak kapan mereka memulainya. Namun memori itu masih sangat segar di ingatanku bagaimana kulihat mereka bercumbu di ruang tamu rumahku. Sebenarnya aku tak perlu kembali mengingat semua itu. Tak perlu menyesali apa yang telah terjadi. Suatu hari, aku akan memulai hidup baru dengan lelaki pilihanku. Lelaki yang sepenuhnya menjunjung tinggi kesetiaan.
         “Aku merindukanmu, Sekar,” ucapan Banyu langsung memporak-porandakan aku dan lamunanku.
Banyu berhenti sejenak seakan mengizinkan kenangan yang bertugas mencacah ingatanku melakukan pekerjaannya. Di luar hujan terus menitik.
“Aku merindukanmu yang selalu membenci hujan. Aku merindukanmu yang selalu mengutuki hujan yang membuat kencan kita batal, hujan yang tiba-tiba turun membasahi jemuranmu, hujan yang membuatmu mengigil dan merengek untuk tidur di pelukanku. Kamu selalu membenci hujan, Sekar. Aku selalu mengingat itu.”
       Banyu terdiam sejenak. Kemudian ia melanjutkan, “Tapi kamu tidak pernah menyalahkan aku yang mencintai hujan. Kamu tidak pernah menyuruhku untuk membenci suara berisik jarum hujan yang memantul di jendela. Kamu tidak pernah menyalahkan takdir yang mempertemukan kita di dalam hujan saat kamu meneduh di sudut halte yang bocor itu. Kamu membenci hujan namun kamu selalu mengizinkan aku untuk menunjukanmu  pesona akan hujan itu sendiri. Aku sangat merindukanmu, Sekar,”
         Aku tercekat, perkataan Banyu barusan seolah mengajakku untuk menziarahi kenangan kami yang rapi tersimpan di hati.
“Aku benci hujan, Banyu. Aku benci hujan menjelma menjadi orang ketiga yang dengki terhadap keintiman kita. Sialnya kamu terlalu mencintai hujan dan condong patuh padanya hingga kamu mengizinkan hujan lain untuk mengguyur setiamu pada kita, lima tahun lalu” akhirnya aku bersuara. Hujan kembali turun dengan lebat di luar sana.
          Diiringi derasnya air hujan yang mengguyur Jakarta, segala rupa kenangan tumpah ruah dari mulut Banyu. Hujan juga tumpah melalui kelopak mataku. Banyu bercerita bahwa tak lama setelah kami bercerai, ia melihat bibir Kinanthi beradu dengan bibir laki-laki lain di tengah hujan.  Tiga bulan kemudian Ibunya meninggal. Ia terus menyalahkan dirinya sebagai penyebab dari ibunya meninggal, karena ketidakbecusannya dalam mengurus pernikahannya denganku dan dengan mudahnya menukarkan pernikahan kami demi perempuan lain. Banyu larut dalam kisahnya. Cukup lama, hingga hujan kembali reda.
         Usai Banyu bercerita, aku menyaksikan Banyu tersenyum sambil menyeka air mataku. Hujan menyirna, langit pekat menyingkapkan dirinya sebagai malam dengan sisa angin membelai kulit kami. Hujan menyisakan aroma tanah dan udara lembap yang seakan siap mendamaikan malam kami berdua. Ini memang keputusan yang sulit untuk menerima Banyu kembali setelah apa yang telah terjadi di antara kita. Apa salahnya mencoba, mencoba tidak pernah salah, begitu batinku berkali-kali untuk meyakinkan pilihanku. Juga untuk meyakinkan kedua orang tuaku ketika mereka mengetahui keputusanku untuk rujuk dengan Banyu.
          Kami pun bergandengan tangan, melangkahkan kaki keluar dari kedai kopi tersebut. Saat aku mau membuka pintu, Banyu kemudian berkata,
“Sekar, ada satu hal lagi yang ingin kusampaikan padamu,” ujarnya.
“Apa itu?,” tanyaku sambil tersenyum.
Dengan suara lirih dan hati-hati Banyu berkata, “Aku ingin mengenalkanmu pada Kirana, anakku dan Kinanthi.”
 Seperti terhisap gravitasi, seketika senyum dan harapanku runtuh terhempas dari langit ke dasar bumi.


Citra Diah Utami
18 Oktober 2015 
(salah satu tugas mata kuliah Penulisan Kreatif)

March 15, 2016


I took a really long time for me to comes with an acceptance that certain people are meant to fall in love with each other, but not meant to be together. Here, let me give you a little throwback. You and I met when both of us was in a very dark place. When both of us still carrying our own baggage. Baggage that should have been left behind. What happened before, happened so fast. You felt so much for me while I was still holding on to something else and vice versa. Both of us never got time to heal, or gives the love and compassion that we deserved for each other ― in an appropriate way.

But when I told you that our connection was incredible, I really mean it. I still remember how we were able to talk for hours. We would talk about anything. I would tell you about how I wanted to be a fashionpreneur as soon as I graduate from college, and you would tell me about how can people admire One Direction's songs. I remember when you started the first conversations between us. I still remember how the first hello brought us. I remember when we held hands and when we shared our last. Until the silence between us occured, I remember that your heart always belongs to someone else.

It's always interesting to think about how we used to try to decipher that you and I were meant to be. Okay, perhaps it's just me. Part of me wants to believe this notion of destiny. Part of me wants to believe that you and I were meant to be. I really want to believe it was fate that brought us together in that social media. Fool enough? Yes. But I'm not sorry that I used to tragically misinterprated about the idea of us meant to be.

But things we once had subsided quickly, and its like we were only infatuated. We're all wired to find love and when we met someone who radiates it, we naturally crave their company, I kinda forgot who said this but I think that's what happened between us after all this time. Maybe you came into my life as a lesson. Teaching me why it’s important to let go of the past, and to not look at what is behind you. That’s a plausible reality, but one that I refuse to accept. For a long time. I refuse to believe you came into my life as only a lesson. I used to.

After a long seperate, we met again and here we are, physically available but things between us already different now. I'm currently wonderfully enjoy my own emotional independence and you're... currently dealing with the aches and pains of your lost love. We always met at the wrong time. Again.  But hopefully in a few years from now we can give it another shot. Maybe we can get to know each other again. Maybe we can remake the maps and explore the depths of our inner beings. Maybe we can do things for real at that time.
“Semoga jika kelak hari itu ada, 
 kita sudah sama-sama selesai.
Selesai mencari, selesai bermain-main
dan selesai saling menyakiti hati;
entah milik sendiri atau milik orang lain”