April 13, 2014

Not-So Happy Life Update

Sorry for the long blogging hiatus. Too busy contributing this and that project, preparing for those shitty presentation, doing my job as radio station music director, working hard for the assignment, midterm and final test or project, seeking for an internship, applying scholarship and the last one, managing my new and growing online store (find it on Instagram: @babooshka_store hahah of course no, I'm not selling my stuffs in this post!)

Geez, what a list.
I feel my life has changed in many ways.
You can tell in my eyes that my sleeping schedule is totally fucked up.
And I admit that it's been super fucking hard for me to maintain positivity and self-care or any kind in balance.

But recently, I feel very lonely, very anxious, very scared and very sad. I currently questioning "Is life worth living? What should I do with my life? Why things won't work out well? How do I know when to give up or try harder? God, what is your plan for me?" everytime I pray.

I supposed to be happy and grateful for all the things I already got, but, I don't know, I just feel empty, and I feel like those emptiness is starts to suffocating me and it getting worse each day. I'm yearning for a nice, long, undisturbed sleep and waking up happily without feeling depressed.

I'm feeling a whole lot of things right now and I don't know if I'm doing everything okay or not. It's one of those nights where all I wish I could do is curl up with my mom and cry into her shirt while she rubs my back and tells me that everything is gonna be okay.

I don't like it like this.
God, please help me.
What sould I do?