May 31, 2016

Indonesian Women : a higher education vs. marriage

How does it feel to be a woman who wants to pursue a higher education in Indonesia? 
Can be quite challenging for some. 
There will be quite many text messages or comments in social media asking “When will you get married?” or “why you never post or upload something about a guy?” 
(like seriously you ask about these stuff?!!) 
The pressure just come from all the directions, thus if you don’t explode, you are a really high quality woman.

When I decided to continue master (and Abroad) some ‘friends’ told me “Guys will be scared of you.” that’s the first stereotype. 
The second is, “If you will end up at the kitchen, why should you spend so much time to study?”

First point, I love to cook. But I will not spend my life just for cooking. I have this thing called ‘passion’ to learn. I can’t be categorized as smart, no! I am just very determined and passionate in getting what I want. I love to study here. The more I study, the more I realize that I still know very less.

The more I study, the more attractive knowledge is, even though the consequences are getting really tired and lack of sleep. I will finish my master soon. I will be 24 y.o. when I finish master. I’ve been changing a lot for these 2 years. If at the past because everybody gets married then I want it too, now, I am more concern about repairing the quality of myself. So when somebody blames my ‘higher education’ as the reason why I am not married until now, it is totally wrong. 

Marriage is a big deal, you have to be able to wake up really early, preparing food, dealing with the baby, loosing me time, and the most important are ‘compromises’. Spending the time for dating or being close to somebody special is nice, but spending ‘your whole time’ with that somebody, I think it would need patience in compromising things. Those things I am practicing right now to be able to handle those stuff before I get married.

At the moment, I am really enjoying to live independently, earn money (from the scholarship :p), having my own place and learn to manage it, buy things those I want, I think it is once in a lifetime. It is nice to learn about how to be an independent woman, because being independent is necessary no matter If you are married or not. I like this quote from a woman. “I don’t have to wait until prince charming comes with his white horse because I already have my own horse.” –A general manager in a multinational company.

Second point, I’ve witnessed so many broken marriages in my 24 years of life. And my mom was also ‘a single parent’ for 15 years. But she was so strong besides she was also well educated. She knew how to earn money, raised two kids, fixed the electricity, repaired the broken ceiling, she cooked very nice, and she is very pretty in spite of her lacks as a single mom. She always taught me, “don’t complain too much, and if you can handle things by yourself then do it, instead of asking for help.”

Whereas I saw so many women were left by their husband and they were totally broken. They did not know how to earn money, they did not know how to deal with difficult situations, thus, it might affect their children mentally and physically. Besides that, to answer the question “guys will be scared of you”, I am questioning why we should marry somebody that does not have that confident and eagerness to develop himself? 

We shouldn’t pretend to be dumb just to make a man feel confident. There is a nice advice from a motivator, "Use your logic before you fall in love. Attraction can be an accident, but falling in love is a decision. Be logic before you fall in love, because once you do, it will be too difficult to be logic.”
I think a smart and a nice woman will ‘motivate’ her partner to be a better man. Besides a great man, there always be a great woman. Look at real examples, Aisyah, the wife of Rasul Muhammad SAW, she was the smartest woman in her era. The outstanding scientist yet romantic couple Pierre Curie and Marie Curie, Johan Sebastian Bach and Anna Magdalena, Bill and Melinda gates, the ex- President of Indonesia and aviation scientist -Bacharudin Jusuf Habibie and dr. Hasri Ainun and so many other examples out of there. 

The third point is, it is the right of the person to keep her/his personal life private. Don’t complain about other people’s life unless it is related to you. You can be a caring person and give an advice, but let’s draw a line in between caring and too much curious about other’s life. The last point, the quality of a person is not determined by if he/she is single/taken. The quality of a person is determined by how much this person can bring a great impact for his/her surroundings.

Disclaimer: This post is'nt mine. 
Taken from Zahrina's posts from her Line account

May 26, 2016

An Open Letter: What It's Like To Be An Extrovert With Depression At The Same Time

from:    Citra Diah Utami <>
to:    Charlie Kelmeckis <>
date:    25 April 2016 22.15
subject:    What It's Like To Be An Extrovert With Depression At The Same Time

Dear Charlie, 

I am writing to you because he said you'll listen and understand. I'm sorry it took so long for me to writing this letter (or a confession) to you. I must admit that I was really embarassed to talk about this subject. Charlie, my first experience with depression occurred in the beginning of my high school. High school, basically in my opinion was a horrible wasteland of low self-esteem. I was absolutely sure life my was a bleak, never ending cycles of waking up and going to sleep and hating every second in between. 

Looking back to that time in my life, it’s blindingly clear to me how depressed I was. I did not want to go to school, I did not want to see my friends, I did not want to get out of bed (Although in the end I kept doing those activities for the sake of my parents). I hated myself for being so sad and I was so embarrassed and confused and I never told anyone about it. My family claimed I had a natural talent to be dramatics and it's just my overreaction towards my adolescence stage. Yes Charlie, they obviously had no idea what they were talking about. And sadly, my depression did not give any manual book or instruction how to cope with it. It did not said “ eat that pills combine with five times pray and you will be cured.” Simply put, it makes you feel utterly alone

But that's not the worst part, Charlie. The worst part is how difficult it is to be a very happy, cheerful person with depression at the same time. It's a strange combination, right? Because, when there is an issue of someone struggling with depression, most people assume they’re miserable. Like, they stereotyping someone who struggling with depression should have super swollen eyes from crying every single time. They can’t laugh, they can’t smile, they can’t enjoy themselves, they don’t feel happiness. They have no idea Charlie, that depression is not picky. It latches onto anyone. Rich or poor, young or old, introverted or extroverted.

And I did hide it so well, Charlie. From everyone (except my family of course). And for someone extrovert like me, who surrounds themselves with a bunch of people,  it’s easier to hide depression than to deal with it. Now you ask me Chalie what it's like to be a cheerful happy go lucky kind of person that always carry her depression and constantly maintaining a bright personality even in the midst of real issues? It feels like hell. It feels like the demon is playing with your mind and then suffocating it. It feels like you are the biggest liar in the world. It makes your depression is something that only you can deal with, when you can finally take off “the mask” after a long day. The mask is the cover for me to stop people from being skeptical of the inner turmoil that I suppress.

Suffering a depression as an extrovert often comes down to not being taken seriously. It’s like society, even your family not validating your disease. It’s like people not believing your struggle. It’s like being told “What do you mean you are coping with depression? You always seem so happy.” Yes, Charlie, I don’t mope, I still smile and appear to be genuinely happy almost all the time – and that means I can’t have depression in their eyes. It’s like hearing how you must be exaggerating your condition because there is no way you can be laughing with friends on the same night you go home and cry yourself to sleep. But I dont blame them, Charlie. They don’t see any dark thoughts. How could the idea of suicide or simply slitting wrist ever enter someone’s head who is always so cheerful? Well, I’m here to tell you Charlie, that just because you don’t see that darkness and gloominess on the outside, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist somewhere deep on the inside. 

Being an extrovert with depression is like knowing that people will make you happy because sometimes being happy by yourself seems like an impossible task. Being an extrovert with depression is like having a constant need to be there for everyone but yourself. Being an extrovert with depression is like continuously wanting to solve everyone’s problems. Being an extrovert with depression is – as crazy as this sounds – feeling as if you aren’t allowed to be depressed because you have to be the one to have it all together. You have to be the person people gravitate towards to when they want to have a good time. Being an extrovert with depression is not allowed to have someone ask you how you are doing because you always have to make them sure that you have no legitimate problems. There is always, a really fucked up, dark side of me that I don’t like people to see.

Thus Charlie, being an extrovert with depression is a very odd combination to live with, that’s for sure. Depression, in my opinion is a war within you and your mind. And I refuse to let my depression control me. I refuse to let it put me in a permanent sorrow state. I refuse to let it affect the people around me. I’m someone who is cheerful, passionate and loves to laugh and smile and have a good time and I’m not going to ever let depression take that away from me. Charlie, I am not ashamed to tell you now, that I'm an extrovert who used to cope with depression, already spent a lot of time feeling isolated, out of control, and weak. And if there is one precious thing I’ve learned throughout my experiences, it’s that the feelings of hopeless, anger, and pain, will one day be gone and replaced with feelings of joy, accomplishment, success, and happiness as long as you hold on. It's cliche, but it's true. 

Charlie, I should probably go to sleep now. It's very late. I don't know why I wrote a lot of this down for you to read. I hope you don't mind. Till next time, then! 

Love always, 

*Charlie Kelmeckis is the main fictional protagonist character in "The Perks Of Being A Wallflower" novel by Stephen Chbosky